As anyone who reads this blog will know, [*], aka [*], was once my girlfriend and business partner. When I was arrested in February, 2004, she collaborated with the corrupt officials (who had had me arrested to stop my lawsuit against the City of Kalispell) after she herself was arrested on a false charge of witness tampering (that was subsequently dismissed four days before my trial in July, 2005), and barred me from my personal and business assets. Also, she betrayed me even further by cheating on me with [*].
As I posted yesterday, someone has been manipulating [*] into believing that I am a threat to her. The only conceivable reason for this (at least to me) is that someone has a vested interest in keeping [*] from even speaking to me, and is terrorizing her under my name as a means of controlling her.
Had this been a recent occurrence, I could conceive that this was a game of the local authorities who continue to deprive me my civil liberties. But this started back after I was arrested and continued throughout my trial and sentencing in 2005. At that point in time, the authorities already had a measure of control over [*] - they had a false charge hanging over her head with threat of being returned to jail. This intimidation was all they needed to keep [*] under their thumb.
Therefore the threats came from a different source, someone who had an interest in both controlling [*] and assuring that she would betray my faith. As I have said, I had nothing to gain from terrorizing [*] and a lot more to lose, not to mention that I did not even know she had a cell phone, much less had her number. As such, the only person who had access to [*] (ie, opportunity and means) as well as something to gain from this (ie, motive) was [*].
I am explaining this only to flesh out what I said yesterday. But all of this is important in what I am going to say next, as well.
As of yesterday, my probation officer, Dave Edwards, has ordered me to have no direct contact with [*]. He is utilizing a part of my order that says he can restrict my contact with people who have a negative influence over me. This is not applicable here, and I have filed a grievance against the action. But I have already been told that the grievance will be denied, which means I am just going to be fighting through appeal to try to overturn this - but anyone who has been following this blog will know, I have no rights and this so-called grievance system is little more than a pretense of justice. I have dealt with Montana Department of Corrections grievances for over three years now and I can assure you that, being an enemy of the state, my objections will be denied, regardless how illegal the measures taken against me are.
If [*] genuinely felt threatened, she could have filed a restraining order, and I would have welcomed the chance to face her in court to tell her what was going on. But she did not - she attacked me through the corrupt authorities who have control over my life. If this was really [*] who made this complaint and not just someone [*] put up to it, she has fallen incredibly far from the woman I once loved with so much of my heart...
Therefore, I am powerless to try to correct these falsehoods. I do have permission to have [*] served, as I had planned to, with the copy of the motion removing the civil cause to federal court. Originally, I had written a two page cover letter to accompany the documents, but after the events of yesterday, I re-wrote the letter, hoping to resolve this conflict. Then I realized that I could not deliver such a letter with the documents, since I am quite certain that a complaint would be made that I had used the service to attempt direct contact, and I would most assuredly be arrested. I have therefore re-written it again to be a brief letter explaining what I am doing, that I am forced to withdraw my offer to settle this issue out of court by Dave Edwards' order, and that if she wants to resolve this out of court, she will need to contact Edwards to have the instruction rescinded. In other words, the barest minimum legal position I can take.
This being said though, there are things in the letter I have abandoned that I would like [*] to see one day. She probably will not, but since I believe that I will be soon re-incarcerated over all of these faux reports of making threats, I want the letter entered here at least for prosperity.
Everyone who has read this blog knows that I hold no malice against [*]. I have gone to great lengths to set the record straight on that. I regret that I lost her, I am pained by her betrayal, but I hold no ill will toward her. I do not, nor have I ever, wished her harm. But, as has been the case from the beginning of this fiasco, no one wants to believe the truth when a lie is so much easier to believe. I believe it was Mark Twain who said that a lie is far easier to believe than the truth because it can be molded to fit what the speaker wants to be heard, and that the truth, by comparison, is far more rigid and less likely to be believed.
The truth is that I have been working hard to prove my innocence for nearly six years now, and that effort is not helped in the least by terrifying [*]. Regardless of whether anyone believes that I could not hold some deep hatred for [*], common sense says that terrorizing her works contrary to my objective. Only someone with a suicide wish would think to scare away one of his greatest resources. None of this makes sense, but I cannot reach [*] to reason with her. And so I am going to type here what I wanted so badly to say to her in my letter. And hope that some day after I am gone that she may possibly learn the truth...
Please find attached a copy of the motion to remove the civil cause I told you about in my last letter to the U.S. District Court. For reference, that court's address is 201 E. Broadway, Missoula, MT 59802. I am providing this copy to you, along with a copy of the original suit and current cause docket, to provide you the opportunity to object to this action if you so choose.
I regret that I have had to proceed in this manner, but you have left me little choice, especially after what was perpetuated today. I tried to approach you equitably by letter sent to your [*] address, which I sent over three weeks ago; Since it was not returned, it was clearly delivered to wherever you are. Yet instead of trying to settle this issue, you have aggravated the circumstances, since today I was told by my probation officer, Dave Edwards, that you had registered a complaint against me, claiming you were "terrified" of me and that I was a "threat" to your safety. At this point, it is fairly obvious that you have no intent of settling these issues out of court, and so I must proceed with the suit against you, as much as I may hate doing so.
This breaches another area that must be addressed though: clearly you are under the misapprehension that I intend you harm. Nothing could be further from the truth.
James Valentino informed me in December, 2005, that someone claiming to represent me had been making threatening calls to you on your cell phone since shortly after my arrest. You should know that I did not even know you had a cell phone until days before my trial in July, 2005, and only then because Carrie Beth mentioned it in a transcribed interview - but the number was not included. Further, thanks to James' and [*]'s spreading the rumor that anyone helping me would go to jail like you did, I had no support outside the jail, and I could not call a cell phone from the jail if I wanted to. All these points show that I could not have been behind the threats against you back then. Someone else was playing the fear card against you, but it was not me. And there's only one other person who actually benefited from you turning away from me in fear: [*]. played the same game with you, if you recall: alienate you from all other support so you would rely solely on him. You resisted ; why do you embrace the lies [*] has spun so readily?
Let me set the record straight: I have never, nor would I ever, wish you harm, threaten to harm you nor victimize you in any way. I have nothing to gain by it, and much to lose. I need your allegiance in my war for my identity, not your enmity. How could terrorizing you possibly help me clear my name or recoup my rightful property from you? If you will set aside this fear that has been inbred into you and think logically about this, you will see that the pretense of my threatening you neither makes sense nor matches the personality of the man you lived with for over two years. And, despite what you have been told, prison did not fundamentally change who I am: I did not turn gay, and did not adopt a criminal mentality. I am still the compulsively truthful man of honor I have always been. And I have suffered through nearly six years of hell because of it.
You should remember that CFS claimed I was physically abusive to you, as well; but you know that was not true then. Why are you willing to believe such malice of me now?
You should know me well enough to know that I would never harm an innocent; I spent my life protecting people, not hurting them. Even when I had cause to, I never did. No matter how badly I had been hurt by people - Melissa, Paul, your parents, the board of directors for Prime Station - I never retaliated. And you know I have lived a life of being betrayed. Remember the curse I told you about? "Destined ever to be loved by those you do not love, and unloved by those you do"? I've lived with that curse my whole life and still never retaliated outside the law, even when I was sorely tempted. So why would I change now?
Regardless of how much pain you have caused me, no matter your betrayal of my trust and love, in spite of your abandonment, I still see you as a victim in all of this, along with myself, [*], [*] and John. We were all victims of cruel, malicious people who acted above the law. And from where I sit, that still makes you an innocent in this conflict. Your actions were motivated by self-preservation and not a small amount of deception and deceit, but that did not make them malicious. I do not condone what you did, cheating on me and turning your back on me, but I've lived with that kind of treatment my whole life. You were not the first nor likely will you be the last. But it does not mean that I would wish you ill. I still love you, [*]. And I always will. I can just never trust you ever again.
Remember how we had this conversation time and again about Melissa? You could not understand how I could still love someone who had betrayed me and left John and I homeless, of how I still held no ill will against her. When we met again at the VFW, you were convinced that my lingering love of her would mean I would leave you to return to her. But you didn't listen, no matter how much I explained it, though maybe you will understand it better now: Once I love someone, I can't stop loving them. My relationship with Melissa or any of my other girlfriends did not end because I stopped loving them - they stopped loving me and ultimately cheated on me. And you did the same thing - you stopped loving me and cheated on me. But that betrayal did not stop me from loving you. I never lost that feeling. And I will live with it for the rest of my days. But there's no going back - I could never trust you not to betray me again. You have shown yourself unfaithful to me, and to me, that hope of happiness with you is forever lost.
The point of all of this is that I have no real desire to prolong this contact. If you had not absconded with the business assets and the Magic cards belonging to the youth program, or you were not a key witness I still need to prove my innocence, I would have left you to your life. You cannot possibly comprehend the amount of pain I deal with every day that this issue remains unsettled. I cannot bear to think of [*] having stolen you away through lies and deceit. terrorizing you in my name to have you for himself. As you have stolen my property, he has stolen you from me. I would prefer to have been able to walk away entirely, but my need to recover what is rightfully mine and clear my name make it necessary to prolong my pursuit of you. And your resistance to settling all of this only makes my agony worse. But this is where my interest in you ends: once I have my property and my good name restored, you can go on and live your life built on lies and misdirection. I will have no further need to contact you ever again.
I will never understand how you could possibly trust , whom you personally witnessed beating [*] and had try to beat you, yet you are too terrified of me to even speak to me, when I have never raised a hand to you or yours?
Regardless what lies you believe though, the truth is unchanged: my sole interest in you is for return of my property and to clear my name. And both issues are being addressed through legal channels, as this is the only option you have left to me. I gain nothing by your being afraid of me. And [*] is only playing the same nonsense game your parents did - remember how they kept claiming I was going to their home to wreck their vehicles and property, even when you knew I had never left your side? You're only falling for [*]'s version of the same manipulative game: make up some heinous act to blame on me to make me look like a threat. For crying out loud, [*], you should know me well enough to know that I do not rely on others to do things anyway - if I had a way to contact you myself, wouldn't I be doing that? I have no legal reason not to after all... Or at least, I did not before today. If I were this threat that you have come to believe me to be, why have I not shown up at your work, or your door, or at places I know you would be? Why would I even be filing through court? In an investigation, one looks for three things: means, opportunity and motive. If you honestly believe I had means and opportunity, you still lack motive because I honestly have nothing to gain. On the other hand, [*] always has - he gains you.
But I know you. None of this will make a difference. [*] will deny it and you will believe him. I can't change that, no matter how I might long to protect you from harm. It's your life and it is yours to live. Just do not expect me to ever be civil with [*], anymore than I was to when he came around to harm you. I want nothing to do with him, so do not send him as a messenger - ever. I will not speak to him or deal with him. And, if after reading this you decide to work this out, I am still not able to talk to you directly because of your game in calling Dave Edwards today. If you ever want to resolve this in person, you will need to undo the limitations you have had placed upon my by calling him to set the record straight.
I may have meandered a bit here, but this letter;s purpose is still legal in nature. I needed to clarify certain issues that have impeded my efforts to settle this issue out of court. You are under a gross misapprehension if you believe I mean you harm or that my purpose for trying to contact you was for any otter purpose than to settle the legal issues discussed herein. And once those issues are settled, you can continue to lobe in your fantasy world all you want - my reasons for needing contact with you end with the legal affairs. You should never have trusted in [*]'s deceptions to begin with, and yo should have questioned his motives from the beginning, especially when his version of events so drastically contradicted what you knew before. And even if you did not know [*] to be behind this, you should still have known me incapable of what I was supposedly doing...
Whatever. So be it. I hope this letter will set things right, though I doubt it will...
Political Prisoner since 2004
April 14, 2009