There have been developments since I started working on the "Dear [*]" post this morning - [*] has filed a restraining order against me. Personally, I am not bothered by the restraining order itself because I was not doing nor intending to do anything to [*], so the restraining order serves no purpose. I obtained an updated address from the post office today, and service upon her of the legal papers is all being done by a third party. So the restraining order does nothing to inhibit me in the least.
What does bother me though is that my ideal of [*] has been shattered. True, I knew [*] had been manipulated, threatened, intimidated, coerced and deceived into actually believing ill of me. None of it was true, but I throughout all of it, I believed that [*] was honestly being deceived, and that she was still the woman I loved underneath. However, there were things described in the restraining order that are not the result of manipulations from others - they are outright lies. And they need to be addressed.
Truth to tell, I never thought I would be put into a position to publicly disclose what follows. It is both demeaning and degrading, and it is emasculating. But [*] has made a very specific claim in her TRO (temporary restraing order) that compels me to breach my silence.
Aside from mostly vague allegations of being afraid of me without any justifiable cause, [*] states the following: "He has forced me to engage in sexual acts that physically hurt me & he would not stop."
First, this is entirely fabricated. I have never engaged in forceful sex with anyone, and I challenge anyone to produce a single person other than [*] who ahs claimed I have. This was an isolated statement that followed what was clearly a very weak effort to justify the restraining order. She says first that I had never harmed her nor directly threatened to harm her, but then makes this statement. This is a lie, and it is designed for no other purpose than to defame me. But worse than this, not only was I not the sexual aggressor in our relationship, but [*] was.
On countless occasions, [*] raped me in my sleep. Plain and simple. I was not conscious nor could I give consent. And no matter how many times I told her I was uncomfortable or that I felt violated by this conduct, [*] would continue to do this deploarable thing. I was too ashamed to come forward with this, and even when my attorney wanted me to turn on [*] during my prosecution, I kept this to myself. It is humiliating to admit it now - but the truth is, [*] is the real sexual predator. And for years I have kept my silence to safeguard her from harm, even knowing I could have used this information in my defense.
Simply put, I have still been protecting [*] all these years. And I am going to have to go into a court of law and publicly admit this. So if I am already going to have to do this there, I might as well do it here.
At any rate, there's the deep dark secret about [*]. I wish I never had to disclose it, but at this point, I no longer have cause to remain silent...
All this time, I thought that the one thing [*] would never do was lie. But now not only has she shown me to be wrong, violating the last good value I believed she possessed, but she actually has tried to shift the blame of sexual deviancy upon me in the process. I can no longer say that I believe her to be redeemable. The woman I had loved is lost forever...
Political Prisoner since 2004